


Our Heaven is Just Waiting

by FrostedFox



Series: The Specialists [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Dark, F/M, Force Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Lotsa pain for ol' Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-02-27 11:56:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13247730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostedFox/pseuds/FrostedFox
Summary: It's his turn to fall wounded before her, and her turn to decide where to go from there.If only she could convince him to stay alive.(More part of an anthology than a real "series")





	1. We Should Be Through With This

**Author's Note:**

> Previously in This Series: Rey is captured by the First Order after being stabbed, and Kylo keeps her alive long enough to help her escape. Through the force, his punishment seeps into her dreams. 
> 
> Which leads us to:

It was months before the pain stopped, and to her dismay, Rey couldn’t tell if that was because the bond had been broken, or if Kylo Ren’s torturers had decided he had had enough. Rey couldn’t tell anymore which she preferred, because she had been waiting for this — waiting for the end of the nighttime agony that was not her own, but the pain had also been a reliable way to tell that they weren’t onto her yet. That Snoke wasn’t yet planning an attack. 

No pain could mean that they had Kylo’s cooperation. No pain could mean that they were coming. And Rey, who had been passing off her cries as headaches and night terrors, had no one to explain this new and complicated fear to. 

So she reached out to him, but she heard nothing in return. 

 

* 

 

An alarm blared and Rey bolted upwards in her on-call bunk, then looked over at Finn, who was also awake, also confused. She nodded to him and he drew a tired hand across his face. 

“What is it?”  


“I don’t know. Should we get up?"

Finn sighed. “I guess so.” 

In the hall, there was chaos, and Finn had to step back as a frantic BB-8 rolled by, squealing and beeping. Behind it, as always, was Poe, who skidded to a stop in front of Rey. She didn’t miss the expression, the half-flash of sorrow that overcame him. Rey felt a pit form in her stomach, something heavy like lead. They didn’t have to communicate it.

Poe turned his gaze to Finn. “Meet me in the hanger,” he said. “We’re going to be flying out.” He paused. “You’ll want to go to the control room,” he said to Rey. 

She closed her eyes. Because she knew he was here.

He was here, but she didn’t feel it. He had arrived flanked by four fighters, but she couldn’t figure out why. The control room was a mess of sounds and shouts and Rey was grasping onto any bit of information she could catch.

There was loss on both sides, but Kylo — he wasn’t shooting. He was steering straight for the hanger, and Rey wanted to scream, she wanted to tell them not to shoot, that this was happening for a reason and can’t they see that he’s not retaliating? But she didn’t, because to speak up would result in questions that Rey couldn’t answer.

And so she watched as Finn’s ship flipped around, tailed Kylo, and shot one powerful blast into the engine. Kyle’s fighter went up in orange fire and came smashing through the hanger. She heard her voice ring around the room before she could stop it. 

They had won. Every one of the First Order ships had been decimated, every one but the one smouldering in the hanger. The one with the man on his hands and knees in front of it, wrapped in a cape with stringy hair falling in front of his face. Rey arrived first, having run from the control room, and then Poe was there, jumping out of his X-Wing and launching himself towards them.

Others began to crowd, and Poe held up a hand with a commanding air, begging no one with a blaster to kill the man on the ground. He would be arrested, sure. Interrogated, definitely. But he couldn’t die. Not yet. Not before they had answers about this attack, and more information about why there was no fleet behind him, or where the rest of the First Order was. 

When Kylo Ren looked up, his eyes found Rey’s, and she could sense the pain there, even if the force wouldn’t share it with her. There was a plea and no shortage of shame. But this had to have been the plan, it had to have been intentional. 

So Rey turned her back on him and walked through the crowd of bystanders, not ready to feel anything else from the man who had closed himself off from her.

The man who only months before has risked his life to save her own.


	2. You Put Me To The Test

Kylo Ren woke up in a cell with three cracked ribs. He could immediately tell the extent of his injuries, and he could tell where he was. He refrained from reaching out with the force. He had been closing himself off from it for some time, trying to protect— no, trying to hide from Rey. And now that he was here, he would wait for her to come to him.

But instead, no one came. Not even his mother, which was a relief. He wasn’t ready for that. Food was shoved inside without a word by someone new each day, and when he complained about his ribs, someone would tell him that he would be sent to the med bay soon, but they sounded unsure. How would they know? The Resistance was sending him the lowest of the low. Even unspoken hierarchies have lackeys.

*

He can feel her. The proximity makes it easier for her, but harder for him. She is reaching out to him, and he can feel the weight of a message. He can feel her, but he doesn’t accept anything so concrete. His walls are strong enough for that, at least. Months of working on keeping her out are paying off.

He didn’t come here to communicate through the force. He had three broken ribs to show for that.

So he waited for his captor — which is what she is, as long as she doesn’t come to see him, she is the person keeping him here — so he waits. He waits and feels stripped, because as long as that pressure from her mind is there, he is not allowed the fantasies that have managed to keep him alive this long. Instead he can only hear her voice, over and over, as she screams for them not to shoot him, not to kill him. He had glimpsed her in the hanger, but his vision was black around the edges. His ears were fine, though, and her voice had been the strongest energy in the room.

*

The soft knock on the cell door has his heart pumping fast. But in retrospect, he knew it couldn’t be her, he would have felt if it was her.

No, instead it is the pilot who enters. Slow and sad and with a lack of words, considering. He stands there in the corner and waits for Kylo to rise, but Kylo won’t, and so Poe sinks down, crouching awkwardly.

“How are you feeling?”

Kylo raises an eyebrow in response.

“I’ll get you help. Send someone to—“

“No. I want to see her.”

“She’s busy. She—“

“When she came to me, wounded, I alone helped her heal. I knew anyone else wouldn’t understand. You could do me the same kindness.”  
  
“Stop interrupting me.” Poe fell into silence then, and Kylo followed suit. A moment passed between them before Poe spoke again. “You saved me too, you know, and I haven’t forgotten that.” He looked at his hands, as though there would be some answer there. “She hasn’t either.”

“Leaving me to rot in this cell is accomplishing nothing. Not for the Resistance, and not for my life.”

“You aren’t dead,” Poe reminded him, point blank.

“Well.” Kylo waited, waited for some progress to this conversation. “Why are you here?”  
  
“Because I wanted to see you first.”

“So she is coming.”

Poe stood and turned on his heel, ready to exit. “You won’t have to wait much longer.” He paused in the door as though considering the weight of his words, then nodded slightly and continued out. The door locked with a thud behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's short. More is coming, and sooner this time. I know everyone says it but comments help a lot and I'm working on a plot outline so anything is inspiration. 
> 
> also my star wars blog is realcooltraitors.tumblr.com


	3. We'll See If You Can Float

Kylo Ren didn’t know how much time had passed before two officers came into his cell, one bearing handcuffs, the other with a blaster pointed at him. He stood with some difficulty and held out his hands, realizing that they were here to take him out of here, to the Med Bay at last, or perhaps finally to _her_. 

He had been repeating Dameron’s words in his head since he had left, words that implied she was coming, that she was worried about him to the same extent that he worried about her. They would be the death of one another, he knew.

Which is why he came to her in the first place.

He was pushed forward and out of the cell. It hurt, but he couldn’t quite build up an anger about it. For the first time in his life, Kylo Ren wished he could be outraged, but it was as though his anger was waiting for something — for her, maybe. For this all to feel real.

The guards pushed him past a chamber that he sensed, or maybe recalled, should be the Med Bay. Alright then. They pushed him further down the corridor before grabbing his arms and holding him still. 

“What is this?” His question was quiet. Almost under his breath. The guards didn’t answer. He didn’t expect them to. He heard a dull thudding coming from around the corner and then felt something like a punch in his gut. He halfway doubled over. Then raised his eyes through his fallen hair to see her, marching down the hall towards him. Perfectly composed, her eyebrows raised. She came close, eyed the guards on either side of him, then spoke with a soft, cold voice. 

“You’ve been ignoring me, Kylo Ren.”

“Rey. You look well.”

“And you sound injured. What’s the wound?”

“Ribs. It’s nothing.”

“Ah,” she said, raising one eyebrow. Cocky. He wanted to hate her for it. “Leave him to me,” she demanded. And one of the guards shrugged before they both turned and walked back the way they had come. Kylo Ren was still handcuffed, but otherwise unrestrained. His threat level had mistakenly been taken for low. But Rey knew better. She must. 

She tilted her head and betrayed her youth. He almost smiled at the curious scavenger before him. But then her curiosity turned to a frown and she nodded her head as she turned away. “Alright then, follow me.”

He did, and they mazed through corridors for more time than Kylo Ren believed — this had to be some sort of tactic, something to keep him on his toes: the First Order was familiar with that move — but then, finally, they turned into a room. One cot had been pushed up against a small window. The rest of the room was bare. 

“Yours?”

“For now. I get moved around a lot. Sometimes I have to sleep in the bunks. I get better rooms when they … open up.”

“Ah.” He changed his stance, a little wider, some semblance of power. “So who do I have to kill to get you a full sized bed?”  
  
“Kylo.” She sounded tired. More tired that usual. “Just. Lie down.”

Kylo didn’t respond, and instead squinted at her, half-suspicious. 

“Please. I’m going to help you.”

“You can’t force heal. It’s too early—“

“Please, Kylo.” This time she was commanding. Kylo weighed his options here. He did need to sit. The pain was beginning to radiate through him. He moved towards the bed and sunk onto it, but did nothing more. He would not lie down before her. He held out his hands, willing her to take off the handcuffs. She obliged, and set them down on the floor by his feet. She stood in front of him, just to his left. Her hands were at her side but he could sense her hesitation. He noticed the way her fingers twitched. 

“Well. Go on,” he said, sensing her need for permission. 

“I’m working on it,” she ground out. There was that child again. She was so young. So ready to be angry. He wanted to teach her patience, but patience looked too much like balance. 

With great hesitance, she reached her hands to his side and closed her eyes, feeling for the extent of the injury. The girl before him sucked in a gasp and he knew that through their bond she must have felt his pain. Her hands rose from his side to his shoulders, and though her eyes were still closed, she gently pushed him. This time — perhaps because her eyes were closed but maybe because of her fervent focus, which he didn’t want to interrupt — he allowed himself to lay back on the cot. The shift hurt, badly, and they both exhaled hard.  
  
Rey delicately moved her body so that she was hovering over him. Her right hand fluttered back to his side while she braced herself on her knees, which were on either side of his thighs. He watched her but her eyes remained closed throughout. That focus. It was beautiful, and so raw.  
  
And that was his last thought before the pain started. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is the thing that keeps my mind here and not on the novel I'm supposed to be writing for my master's thesis. Ah. 
> 
> But here's a bit o' a warning, the next chapter gets a bit intense and violent. And then that will probably continue. 'Cause, well, it's what I do.


	4. You Make Me Lose My Buttons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty violent and I'm sort of sorry!

He growled. But it wasn’t a growl. It was so much louder than that. Not a shout but a … roar. Rey steadied herself, not allowing simple noisiness to distract her from the task. If she stopped midway through moving his bones, he could end up with worse damage. So she pushed harder with the force and felt him attempt control. 

“Stop. Rey. Stop,” he bit out. His lips were pulled back so that she could see the way his teeth ground together. 

“I can’t. I can’t.”

He shouted, then. A real shout. Something primal and deep and Rey reached further into herself than she ever had. She felt the bones click into place and mend together. There were tears in his eyes and she watched them slide down his temple. His knee came up but Rey was quick enough to dodge it. 

“Stop fighting me.”

“Stop. this.”

This time, she did. The work was done. He collapsed under her and she fell to his left, pressed against his un-injured side so that she didn't fall off the bed. Rey looked away from him, pretended that she didn't notice his hand as it came up to wipe away his tears. She felt his body shiver with the trauma of what had happened, and she wished she could heal that too. 

And then, after a moment of stillness, the questions came exploding into her mind. Why was he here? Why did he come crashing into the hanger of a resistance base? Why did he shut himself off from her? Why did his torture at the hands of Snoke come to an end? He inhaled, and instead of the sharp and short breathing of before-the-healing, this one was long and exhausted. 

Despite her mental onslaught of questions, he spoke first. “When did you learn how to do that?”

She almost choked on a laugh. “I never learned. You couldn’t tell?”

Something like rage seethed beside her, but then he rolled over to watch her and his expression was calm. “I was your first.”

She turned her head away again, but remained flat on her back. “Why are you here?”

“To see you,” he said, and she felt like there was a joke in his voice. The deadpan way he spoke it, with an almost rise at the end. That dissipated with his next words. “And to be killed.”

She turned her head back toward him. She could kiss him, at this distance. It could be so easy. “Why,” she accused. “Why would you say that?”

“Because you’ve broken me.” 

“ _You_ released _me_.”

“Because I was broken, Rey. How do you not see that?”

“I’m not going to kill you.”

“No,” he said. “I suppose you won’t.” He reached out one hand to her and rested it on her side, just above her hip. Where she was still scarred from the dagger wound that had brought her to him in the first place. She seemed to catch on and her breath caught. She closed her eyes and they both lay there and remembered. “Does it ever still hurt?”

“Sometimes. I think. It was hard to tell back when—“ She stopped herself and her eyes opened so fast, with such a blaze of fear that he decided he must know what she was going to say. 

“Back when…?”

“I never knew if you knew. If you could tell.”

“Tell what, Rey?”  
  
“I could feel your pain,” she said, this time her voice was stronger. More decided. “Whenever he hurt you. I could feel it.”

Something in their bond chilled then, more than chilled, and Rey shuddered with this new emotion that she could not place.


End file.
